The daily adventures and travails of one neurotic, klutzy, hungry, cynical college girl. Tune in for prizes! (offer void where prohibited. See office for details. Not responsible for lost articles.)
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Thursday, December 29, 2005
Joo and I had dinner last night at Cheesecake Factory in the Grove. We sat at the bar, caught up with each other, I enjoyed a nice Georgia Peach cocktail...
And then the rest of the night, we witnessed the world's worst first date that is still considered successful.
Okay, I'm being dramatic, but I was so annoyed that I actually bit my tongue and shuddered because my body was aching to inflict violence.
They were both unattractive and uninteresting. These people shouldn't be dating, eventually mating and creating more blah children to grow up and date each other! He was loud, fat, hairy, and pompous. She was mousey, fat, fake, and easily swayed. I can't stand it when men get all bloated of self worth on a date and the woman is, apparently so hard up for a man she'll take Giant Jackass over a nice quiet evening at home, eager to comply with his wishes and fawns over his immature ranting and raving.
Why go on a date only to talk about your recent divorce, Alexander (THE MOVIE - I'm shouting cause of the pathetic nature of this memory), and what character actors actually means? YES, you IDIOTS- William H. Macy IS a character actor and a 100% finer human being that you'll ever accomplish faking.
Joo asked me during the dinner what I would do during a painful date. I told her I'd end it as quickly as possible and politely take my leave of absence. She told me about a painful date she recently had. Then I changed my answer and pretended to be an evil, vindictive mischief-maker by saying I'd actually order hundreds of dollars worth of drinks and desserts, then yell at the poor date the whole way home that he's driving me. Then I'd lob something hard at his car as it leaves.
The thing is, we couldn't leave the date of hell behind us, because they were there nearly the entire time we were, and we were too hungry to leave. (By the by, that was some deeeeeelicious salmon I had. I don't remember the last time I ate so fully. Must have been my piggy days in SD.) On top of which, they were rude to the waiter in that absolutely unexcusable manner that the guy thought he was so damn funny he can say whatever he likes, and she giggled uncomfortably, struggling with her need for awkward, ugly, after-date groping and the basic civilized decency NOT to brow-beat a server just because he asked if you wanted to wrap up your leftovers.
The guy actually asked her "Shall we take a lovely walk around?" I know what you're thinking. But he's not a fan of Dorothy. He's just that bad at small talk and flirting.
I want a magical device from the future, something like a cattle prod, but when I poke people with it, they are sterilized. Maybe I'll just make do with a stun gun for now. It won't protect our future, but it will give me temporary relief. And that's what matters.
3:58 PM
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