The daily adventures and travails of one neurotic, klutzy, hungry, cynical college girl. Tune in for prizes! (offer void where prohibited. See office for details. Not responsible for lost articles.)
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Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Let me tell ya a fucking story-
There once was a girl who got summoned for jury duty. As she was wont to do with important papers, she left it in a pile on her messy kitchen table, and didn't get to it until today, when she stuffed all the papers, and possibly a roach, into her bag and set off for work. I'm kidding about the roach. That insect alone is reason enough I might not ever live in New York, city of my dreams, because I have an irrational fear of the one thing that will survive nuclear holocaust and lay eggs in my ear while I sleep. Or crawl into my mouth and defecate.
Digression. I took my bills and notices and ignored letters to the office and plunked down first thing to sort through it. Hm, of course, my traffic tickets have now accrued to 3 times their value. And while I have overcharged my American Express, the fucktard that calls himself the webmaster won't allow me to pay my bill online. I'm restless and twitchy already. Oops, almost got my phone turned off. What is my brother's homework doing in here? Maybe that's why he gets in trouble at school. I haven't even sent away for my Apple rebates. I'm praying I'm still eligible. THat reminds me, I've got to pay my mom. UGH, money is the bane of my existance. Fucking muck'n'muck.
Okay, here we go. Jury duty. I call in. They talk circles around me, then hang up on me cause I haven't filled out the green affidavit, that CLEARLY says I have to call BEFORE i fill it out. HUFF HUFF. I fill it out, and email my manager to tell her I've been summoned and that i need to know if they pay for my jury time. No answer. I ask someone else at the office, who suggests i lie to get out of it. I smile and say "I won't lie to the government" which is a bleeding pustule of a lie. But I actually want to do this.
You heard right. I WANT TO GO TO JURY DUTY. I know, I know, i've lied and cheated my way out of this civic duty many times before because it's akin to getting your license renewed at the DMV. But I've actually never served, and not only am I curious, but it would give me a change of pace/venue for a couple of days. I'm paid by the office for 3 days of jury duty, and the county pays me $15 a day to do it. I'm okay with this. Maybe I'll run into a hot lawyer. Who knows? Also, I have a morbid interest in criminal procedures.
So I call again, affidavit finished and expect to be registered. Instead, someone gets on the line and berates me for calling before the night of my summons. What? I can only call to register the night before I'm due in court?? Simon says that's wrong. I call again and the automated response again tells me not to call before the week of my summons date. Ooooooookay. You say so, boss. (What happened to calling people, boss? I miss that.)
So, of course, an hour later, I'm informed that I have to postpone for a few months, cause my jury duty lands on "a busy time for the office." I'm not inflated ego. Nothing I do can't be handled by an able temp. Never mind that I could have taken care of this if people had just responded ON TIME. But I WANT to go, and now i'm being told to move it to spring, when I'm sure i'll have better plans for myself. Yeah, i'm a little bitter and spastic and pessimistic (as a friend pointed out), but it doesn't help that the whole fucking office is driving me insane with their flurried requests and passing of the buck and the number of calls from confused people who don't mind taking up your time, droning and acting like a blond date at prom. Minus the sexual appeal. If you don't know why you called, hang up immediately! If the person isn't here, DEAL WITH IT.
I call and the nice man on the other line postpones me until March 6th. He doesn't understand why i'm heaving and weeping when he's so nicely helped me out and I don't have to go in to court for 3 months. But he hasn't read this, either.
11:35 AM
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