The daily adventures and travails of one neurotic, klutzy, hungry, cynical college girl. Tune in for prizes! (offer void where prohibited. See office for details. Not responsible for lost articles.)
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
Friday, September 09, 2005
Have you ever experienced an anxiety attack? I have no doubt that you have. It's a slow, miserable, unsettling, grasping panic that leaves you frightened, shaking, and disoriented.
I fear change. No matter how unhappy I think I am in a situation, when things threaten to buckle under me, I hate the cause. I suppose that's why i find it hard to break up with boyfriends, or hell, even friends. I'd rather unhappy stability than unknowing futures, it seems.
You know when you're told you are meant for more, you're talented and undiscovered, or that someday things will line up just the way they ought to for you? How do we know that will happen? I could slosh through my life, as a forgotten lump, dull and meaningless. There is no guarantee that I will shine through my potential worth. Especially when it seems I don't try very hard. I would excel, I know, if I were blood-thirsty for a goal. But my goals are both vast/various, and I'm mostly unmotivated to do something about them.
Now, i realize life is so much about being thrown into a pit and you have to pull yourself out.... or give up.
Why wouldn't I be having an anxiety attack? Nobody likes to think they're constantly under pressure. Like Ice Cube said, "When it's sink or swim, you've got to think to win"
I'll try, Cube. I'll try.
Below are excerpts from a conversation from a good friend of mine. I know that his life changes are personally affecting me to take a good look at my own perspective on life. I feel stronger from his replies that from my own inner well of confidence. It's not the best way, but it helps.
[Mediocre people] never have anything interesting to say and nothing ever happens in their lives. They're unmotivated to create a happening in their lives and are content to either not make efforts, or to just complain. You're not like that.
Ah, Grace, why can't my romantic relationships develop the way my friendships do? I didn't set out to love you, I was just confident in the strength of our connection. And one day, suddenly, I realize that I do love you. And that you accept me. And teach me. And make me laugh. And keep me sane. and remind me I'm not crazy in the first place.
If I really achieve helping my friends feel worthier and saner, shouldn't I be satisfied with my situation? I guess I'm either not entirely convinced people need me around, or I need more than to help my circle of friends. I need to mean something to people. Something important, poignant, emphatic.
I want thrills, I want peace, I want relief, I want love, I want euphoria.
9:45 AM
|
|
| |
|
|
|
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home