The daily adventures and travails of one neurotic, klutzy, hungry, cynical college girl. Tune in for prizes! (offer void where prohibited. See office for details. Not responsible for lost articles.)
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Tuesday, May 17, 2005
[Post-coffee slump rant]
I've been trying my best to be "tough grace" these past few weeks, but I feel my vulnerable side showing. I'm heading for another emotional low, I can feel it.
If I didn't call people to blather on with during lunch, I most likely would have sat in my car and weeped. Mostly out of frustration.
I developed a horrible allergy to henna. My body broke out into hives and I couldn't even find the time for a doctor's visit, due to my constricting schedule. Not that I have medical insurance, so if it turned out to be serious, I wouldn't know the first thing about how to cure myself. I'm crossing my fingers that it IS the henna, and not an outbreak of pox.
Work is stressing me out. I wonder if continually volunteering myself to theatre is worth the lack of sleep, food, and spare time that I surrender just so in the future, someone will cut me a break. I never feel comfortable saying "no" in the office, so they keep giving me more than I can handle. I can't predict if I'll have an "incident." On top of which, I didn't realize how high school it is around here. Cliques, sucking up, and all that crap? I wanted to enter the adult world, which apparently doesn't exist. I want to do my job and that's that.
"If X doesn't like you, then no one else will, either." That's pretty harsh.
I miss my friends. I mean, REALLY miss them. I never see them, get to talk to them, or even know what's going with them these days. My birthday is coming up, and once again, I'll be stuck in rehearsal all day. I haven't been a big birthday person for a couple of years now, but today I just thought "this SUCKS" cause I would have at least made arrangements for a nice dinner and a night out.
I felt so shitty I ran out for a Frappacino and then my stomach reminded me why coffee and I broke up years ago. I traded sleepy and thirsty for nauseous and headachey. Isn't it a little early for my body to be eroding like this?
The few chances I got this weekend to endear myself to my new crush, I decided it would be more fun to shoot myself in the foot. How could he misunderstand that when I ignore him, frown at him speaking directly to me, and appear to enjoy the company of other people more that I'm really hoping he'll like me? I even flinched when he touched my shoulder. I'm back to the 7th grade when I was flat, greasy, and braced. My brain only understands Red or Green.
That's it. I'm giving myself a good cry before I go to rehearsal again tonight.
2:59 PM
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1 Comments:
oiy, grace. i feel your pain. i hope the "pox" heals up and you feel better.
i got your letter and care package. i hope you know that neither were necessary, but greatly appreciated. i havent been able to talk to anyone lately bc i'm literally going crazy from stress, but i will catch up with you soon.
i love you. hang in there.
-your hetero lifemate
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