The daily adventures and travails of one neurotic, klutzy, hungry, cynical college girl. Tune in for prizes! (offer void where prohibited. See office for details. Not responsible for lost articles.)
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Monday, April 25, 2005
Things that make me cringe:
1. Impressions. No one is as good as they think they are. (Unless it's Barsi's Christopher Walken. Dead on.) Not even Pablo Francisco.
2. Personal space invaders. Hey, if I know what you had for dinner last night, you're damn too close.
3. People who decide "I like you, therefore you MUST like me back otherwise I'm going to flip out and make your life miserable, subtly." I think we need to remix Frankie Goes to Hollywood's "Relax" again.
4. Banana hammocks. Or, as Boo and I call them, "straining puppies at the seams."
5. Expectations.
6. awfulplasticsurgery.com
7. Neck injuries.
8. Anyone who has a problem with their own appearance and/or personality trait. If I'm your friend, then obviously, I've managed to look past whatever hideous deformity you have convinced yourself you have, so others will, too. Note- I don't make friendly with Uggos, so you're clearly pretty enough to pass the radar. Other hand, if I'm not your friend, why the fuck do you care what I think?
9. Sexual come-ons from guy friends. Even if you're gay, it's still not cool. Here's a cool trick- think about how far down the joke scale I allow myself to go, and follow suit. Once I start faltering when you make reference to my genitals, you should most likely retreat.
10. The "references" page on job applications. I don't believe in them. When I go to work, I go to do my job, not get all mushy-mushy with coworkers and ignore my duties, therefore building up a good reference list. Similarly, I can cheat just like the rest of you and make my friends lie about how they're multimillionaire CEOS of unknown conglomerates who happen to KNOW that I'm reliable and punctual. But I'd rather let that come through in my interview and my first week on the payroll. I hate calling up old profs and coworkers, trying to get a feel on how to ask to put their personal info on a piece of paper that won't be looked at twice.
here's my favorite quote from last week's "Hands on a Hard Body"
** It's like that movie I once saw, Highlander. In the end, there can be only one. **
12:00 PM
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