The daily adventures and travails of one neurotic, klutzy, hungry, cynical college girl. Tune in for prizes! (offer void where prohibited. See office for details. Not responsible for lost articles.)
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Monday, June 14, 2004
I think the hardest thing for me to do is stay still.
I run headlong into things without stopping to consider why I'm going so fast. I make mistakes and refuse to look back because I'm afraid of realizing how much I've fucked up.
I like to convince myself that being active means finding solutions, but there are times when being patient and mellow would have benefited me more.
I don't like having regrets because they're a waste of time, but sitting alone for a long period of time means I start thinking too much. I start mentally choking on what shouldn't be in my head at all.
It's funny: when I was a human island, all I wanted was to have it all- a giant network of friends, unconditional love, and a busy social life. Once I got all these, it still left me empty.
Maybe because I was always concerned that it wasn't real. Nothing is permanent, no matter how much you wish they were. In the end, you are always expendable.
I learned how to survive on my own and then I threw that away for a chance to be able to depend on others. Forget second chances, I want a second life.
How can I be content when what I want are two mutually exclusive things?
11:45 AM
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