The daily adventures and travails of one neurotic, klutzy, hungry, cynical college girl. Tune in for prizes! (offer void where prohibited. See office for details. Not responsible for lost articles.)
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Tuesday, March 23, 2004
I saw "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" with Kenny the other day and I got a funny feeling. It sounds very childish and "high-school" of me to say: Do you ever watch a poignant movie in which you think it has great attached meaning to your own personal life? The last time I felt like this was (ironically Jim Carrey again in a semi-serious role) "The Truman Show."
Only this time, it's even more personal. Charlie Kaufman strikes again, luckily avoiding most of the Hollywood cliches that ruined "Adaptation" for me. God, I don't know. I came out of the theatre, (taking the back entrance in fear of running into Mr. Antichrist) and I just felt- almost purged. Just knowing that some part of what I was feeling was out there on celluloid. I felt a little bit validated.
I must sound so fucking dumb. I didn't bother mentioning it to anyone b/c I knew I'd sound like I was bullshitting.
Not ten minutes later, I backed up in a drive-through ATM and hit the car behind me. Funny story for those of you who want to hear it. Funnier still that my mom was on the phone with me when I did it. She has no clue.
I'm going through a weird period in my life. I want to take a nice vacay somewhere and purge some more. I have no work this weekend and fuck all if I don't get the spring break I wanted. I'm thinking of taking an impromptu road trip. Maybe even by myself so I can enjoy fully without thinking about the feelings of others.
i never wanted to hear answers to my questions when they were negative. Who wants to hear they aren't wanted or loved? I ran and hid most of the time. I was in torment with curiosity but the fear of rejection and pain held me back anyway. But it's time to grow up and it's better to realize the truth than fake it all the way. If at the end of the road, you're standing alone, that's at least one person who made it. And anyone else standing with you is a treasure above.
4:46 PM
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