The daily adventures and travails of one neurotic, klutzy, hungry, cynical college girl. Tune in for prizes! (offer void where prohibited. See office for details. Not responsible for lost articles.)
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Tuesday, March 16, 2004
50 Ways To Say ?I Love You?
1. ?If my heart were a baked potato, I?d serve it to you with extra butter and sour cream.? (Fatty, but effective)
2. ?Your terrible personality isn?t so terrible after a few drinks and even when I sober up, it?s not as terrible as everyone says.? (Sweeeeeeet)
3. ?I?d shave my entire body with a dull, rusty razor blade and take a vinegar bath for you.? (Violent and way visual)
4. ?I am rubber, you are glue, any feelings you have for me bounce off and stick to you. Ironically, I feel the same way.? (Too self-philosophical)
5. ?The other day I saw this little girl day drop her whole ice cream cone on the ground and start bawling. After I stopped laughing, I thought, ?I?m the same way when you don?t call when you say you will.? (Hello, underhanded guilt trip)
6. ?I saw you in the morning, on the toilet, and I didn?t run screaming. So there.? (Now, that's one I'd use)
7. ?Hug me. If you let go -- you lose.? (Needy.)
8. ?Umm? like? you and me? Yeah. You and me.? (I've known boys like this.)
9. ?You are to me what an eye patch and parrot is to a pirate.? (A little geeky, but cute)
10. ?You are the hole in my donut.? (Gross. My ex called me "just a hole" once.)
11. ?I am the pork, you are the beans.? (Er?)
12. ?You make me want to vomit little chocolate hearts.? (Sounds a bit scary hermit)
13. ?You are my personal parachute.? (I like it. Deep)
14. ?If you were a margarita, I?d drink you by the bucket.? (Wonder what Brian thinks of this one...)
15. ?I really like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like you.? (Love it~)
16. ?If I had my junior high dance to do all over again, I?d lean against the far wall, stare at you, and hate myself for not asking you if you liked the punch.? (I didn't do that in jr high. I swear)
17. ?I don?t love you. I merely enjoy tolerating your existence immensely.? (Get a grip, control freak.)
18. ?I?ll still want to have sex with you even when you?re old, fat, and ugly.? (Someone still says this to me)
19. ?You had me at ?Stop following me?.? (LOL)
20. ?Your farts smell like vanilla.? (Now that's love)
21. ?We?re a two person chain gang.? (I can't decide if I hate or love it)
22. ??I am valedictorian of the University of You.? (Nerd!)
23. ?If you needed a kidney transplant, I?d also throw in a bonus lung.? (That's my mom to my dad, man. But not willingly.)
24. ?The wet, fatty ball of muscle and sinew that pumps my thick, steaming blood to all of my internal organs starts to beat irregularly when you come into my line of sight.? (Can't you see the scientist boy from the Simpsons saying this?)
25. ?You are to me what Oprah is to mediocre self-help gurus.? (No Oprah references are romantic. Period)
26. ?While you?re in the shower, I collect your skin flakes from the sheets and now I carry them around in this little napkin I keep tied around my neck.? (So scary that it's good.)
27. ?You suck! So good.? (HAHAHAHA, reminds me of "suck me beautiful.")
28. ?If you were frozen in Carbonite and taken by bounty hunters, I?d gladly disguise myself, infiltrate a fortress of intergalactic gangsters, threaten them with a thermal detonator, and defrost you myself.? (Why are there so many geek-infested ones?)
29. ?When I was a kid I was kind of stupid and I thought it would be fun if I stuck a fork in the wall socket and obviously I was thrown across the room. Well, that shock that made my teeth chatter and my hair fall out? That?s like you.? (Hmm, visual, expressive, and slightly random. Winner)
30. ?We are totally codependent and I don?t want it any other way.? (I have a friend like this too.)
31. ?This is the ?happily ever after? part of the damn fairy tale, dig?? (Hyde from That 70's show.)
32. ?If you were a handful of genital crabs, I?d never change my underwear.? (I'm gonna ralph.)
33. ?I?m not saying we shouldn?t see other people. I?m just saying I?ll chase whoever you see out of town with a nail-studded baseball bat.? (You go, girl.)
34. ?I am your blank check. Don?t bounce me.? (Ugh. Unoriginal.)
35. ?Shut your piehole! Okay -- now kiss me with that beautiful piehole.? (I would say this.)
36. ?If you were in a horrible accident and they put your head in a saline solution-filled fish tank, I?d feed you, change your water, and carry you on my back everyday until they built you a kick-ass robot body.? (This one scares me)
37. ?If given the choice between playing roundball like Michael Jordan or raising rugrats with you in a trailer park then I?d be the first to stand in line to buy diapers.? (Wow. Just... wow)
38. ?You?re such a fucking asshole! And so am I. Let?s forgive each other, get drunk, and screw.? (hahaha)
39. ?If I was smart, I?d follow you around like a puppy and never, ever crap in the corner.? (Sure, you say that now...)
40. ?Not only would I carry you out of the factory and drive away you away on my sweet chopper? I?d also buy you a beer and a basket of fries.? (Beer and fries? I know who's interested.)
41. I wrote you a poem: ?You walk in beauty like the night/ which means you?re the hottest babe in sight/Come home with me so I don?t get in a fight/I agree with what you said: you are always right.? (This sounds like Ryan from The Bachelorette)
42. ?I?m a grown up and just face the facts that you?re my security blanket.? (Huh?)
43. ?You don?t know it, but right here, right now, is the point in the musical montage part of the movie. Let?s split a pretzel and go for a walk on the footbridge.? (Again, dated a boy like this)
44. ?Not only would I die for you, I?d bitch slap Satan a good one, too.? (Brian? When did you write this one?)
45.?Look: you?re the only one allowed in my bunker. So go get some batteries while I?ll clean my shotgun.? (This is too weird for me to decipher)
46. ?I?m a junky for your instant messages.? (Linda is all over this one)
47. ?I had the weirdest dream last night: I was waking up just as dawn was breaking, but instead of the sun rising on the horizon, it was your glowing face. You were smiling and glowing and it felt to good. Isn?t that just strange? I have NO idea what that means. Pass the ketchup.? (I think I might say this one day)
48. ?You?re my best and only naked friend.? (Bar none, my favorite compliment)
49. ?I?d smoke five packs of you everyday and welcome each and every eventual tumor.? (Sigh. I'm convinced I know who wrote this list)
50. ?Let?s set aside cool, ironic detachment for just a moment, shall we? I love you. Wow? wasn?t that just like lame movie Reality Bites? You?ve never seen it? It?s awesome? in a totally stupid way.? (Get a life, loser.)
1:20 AM
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