The daily adventures and travails of one neurotic, klutzy, hungry, cynical college girl. Tune in for prizes! (offer void where prohibited. See office for details. Not responsible for lost articles.)
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Monday, May 19, 2003
I decided to take a cue from Sarah, my good wise friend, and just be honest. I used to think that being nice, polite, and vague were better in the long run. I don't believe that anymore. It doesn't mean I'll be rude, vulgar, and mean (unless provoked), but it means I'm tired of lying. I don't want to be as two-faced as I have been. I admit it. I bend the truth to ease the situation or to get what I want. But there comes a time, when the double acting gets old and you just want to be upfront and clean. The time for me has come, so be ready to hear me say what I'm thinking outright, even if I'm acting differently than I used to. In the end, you'll be happier that I am and so will I.
Wango Tango was draining, but awesome. An all day concert can suck the life out of you, but thank god I was with my two of the best gals I know, Linda and Courtney. Linda provided the steady calmness I've come to rely upon her, and Courtney always rocks the party with her energy. I don't know what I would have done if Courtney didn't keep me up on the road, and if Linda didn't take over when I was passing out over the steering wheel. Also, don't you hate it when you realize someone you considered a friend doesn't think of you as a friend at all? Just a burden or an obstacle? I don't need to say who I'm thinking of, but the hurt is passed and now I'm pitying him for his loss. Soon, I'll be past caring and that's worst of all, because each one of us only has so many people who care about us. We shouldn't have to lose any of those special people.
I'm surprised to still be sitting here, alive and well after the fiasco last week was. I did enjoy myself for most of the days, since my schedule was jam-packed. But I lost out on a lot of sleep, food, and fellowship. My apologies to my friends who had to deal with the insanity, but you're getting to used to me by now, right?
In ONE week, it's my birthday. I'll be 21. Remember in elementary school, how you used to giggle about people in their 20's and how OLD they were? About how mature, organized, and boring you would be by that age? Even in high school, I used to joke that life is over by age 30. That day is rapidly approaching but I feel no wiser, healthier, or happier. Just more rushed. I saw my roomie's sister graduate from SDSU the other day, and I felt scared about our impending graduation, if in fact I walk next year. Then, I remembered how weird it felt to graduate from high school, and how I'm better off now. I felt better, and dimsum with an authetic Chinese family helps, too. Remisnicing tires me out.
There are certain moments in my life that turn me around in a new direction. Or that's how i thought. It seems like, looking back, those moments are propelling you forward, while all the while you wait, immobile for the next big moment. Making no sense? That's the painkillers talking. *wheee*
6:51 PM
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