The daily adventures and travails of one neurotic, klutzy, hungry, cynical college girl. Tune in for prizes! (offer void where prohibited. See office for details. Not responsible for lost articles.)
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Thursday, April 24, 2003
[I don't expect you to read this. It's really for my own benefit, to purge my words away. In fact, I highly suggest you just skip it. Read a past entry or wait for the next one. I'll probably write in two minutes again, anyway.]
So, the word lease? It means to temporarily own something, right? Like, leasing an apt, condo, whatever? To lease. Leasing. Leaser. Okay. Got that. Now, wrap your noggin around this one. RE-lease. The "re" means again, yes? REdo. REmake. REality. (just kidding.) Anyway, shouldn't RE-lease mean to own again? To hold something tighter or something? But it doesn't mean that, does it? It means to let go. To let it drift away from you. No longer own it. I just don't conceive how the English language came about. I used to have a grammar teacher who would always correct himself when teaching us rules. "So the noun comes before the verb... erm, well, not always." "I before e. Except in several cases" "Don't end your sentences in conjunctions. Unless you have to." "You must use the male pronoun if the actual sex of the person is unknown." (That one is just chauvisnistic. Blech.) I know I'm pontificating and I feel like my acting professor right now, going on major tangents and flooding the listener with words, words, words. Maybe she bled her style onto me today. Curiosity. Anyhow, I've got 4 days to choose another monologue, since I'm not feeling Zubaida Ula. Got any suggestions?
Do you ever get the feeling that somewhere along the way, you lost a sense of your real self and now you have to charade yourself through the rest of your life, because it's just too late to reinvent yourself and people wouldn't accept it anyway? Bad example (cause I'm not talking literal, but some loser will always take it that way): If you think you're fat, but you didn't think you would be growing up, and now you are, you can either radically lose all the weight or accept your fat-ness. If you did lose all your weight, people wouldn't like it. They would be suspicious and reluctant to accept you as real. On the other hand, staying fat is making you feel fake and wrong! That's not the real you. So, here's a third option, really difficult, but the only way I can imagine things changing. Do it gradually. Make changes little by little. We're talking tectonic plate-like. You gotta be patient with it.
I'm so verbose, it sickens me. Words must be an addiction for me. I get excited when I learn a new word that expresses something that was hard to describe before. Isn't that horribly geeky? Maybe my first change will be to reduce my speech. Think it'll work?
12:49 PM
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