The daily adventures and travails of one neurotic, klutzy, hungry, cynical college girl. Tune in for prizes! (offer void where prohibited. See office for details. Not responsible for lost articles.)
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Thursday, January 02, 2003
I wanted to leave a happier blog when I came back to SD. I did. I'm not the whiney bitch I seem to be. I want to be happy and cheerful. But shit happens that makes you feel crappy and I can't just hide that forever. I used to stifle my hurt and anger and it got me nowhere. I had to cry twice tonight and I refuse to accept that it was my fault. Maybe I'm too emotional. Maybe I'm a drama queen. But people say and do things that cut me deeply. There are days where you feel like people are out to kick you. Today was that sort of day. Oddly it had to happen on New Year's Day, right? Like it means my whole year is fucked up now. It makes me afraid. I don't want to hold in this pain. I'm physically hurting. Three different people set out to ruin my day. One or two, even, may not have succeeded, since I had friends to support me and talk me through my confusion and anxiety. But this was too much. Every insecurity and fault I've been harboring was subject to ridicule and derision. I felt like trash today. It's hard to breathe cause I'm upset. These people aren't even that important to me. Why do I let them bring me down? Am I that weak? Am I really unworthy like the way they treat me? I just can't handle it all at once. All these people setting out to make me feel like crap. I don't need this shit.
1:38 AM
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