The daily adventures and travails of one neurotic, klutzy, hungry, cynical college girl. Tune in for prizes! (offer void where prohibited. See office for details. Not responsible for lost articles.)
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
Wednesday, January 29, 2003
I knew this would start happening. I predicted it, didn't I? I'm so disappointed in myself.
Here's the story, succintly: I came home early yesterday, cause I was falling asleep in class. I skipped my last class, Mythology. I felt a little bad about that, but I figured two weeks of lectures on the same book? I can miss one. So I came home, fully intending to take an hour nap, then watch Gilmore Girls and Smallville. (Don't judge me. They're a guilty pleasure. Although, the hot boys on Smallville can only keep me interested for so long. Come on, guys, get some new plots in there, hmmm?) Guess when I finally woke up, with a headache? 8:40 the next morning. I was still in my clothes from yesterday, even my watch and bracelet, items I can never usually keep on in sleep. My left lens was lying next to me. It had fallen OUT of my eyes, somehow miraculously survived being crushed, and ended up right where I could find them .Even more amazing is that I saw them, being legally blind without my lens/glasses. Anyway, I felt like Rip Van Winkle or at least a drugged out loser. I resigned myself to not going to class or work. I called in sick and planned to do some overdue schoolwork. Then it hit me. I had a paper due in my first class today. I didn't even write it! So I hurriedly typed out some crap, that I had PLANNED to write during the weekend. Extended deadlines fuck me over. It was due Monday, but he moved it to today. I sent it as an email and crossed my fingers that he's an understanding TA. I hate days like this. And I hate slipping into comas. I feel lethargic and ugly right now. I shut the door so none of my roommates will encounter the angry, fat slob I'm being this morning.
I realized something about myself. I depend on others to make me feel happy. I need some alone time to figure this out. Whenever I recall a good day, it's because someone said something, or I was with other people, and that therefore made me feel good. When I'm alone for too long, I get to reflective and unsure of myself. I didn't know that about myself. I thought I prided myself on being able to be alone and independent. It's sick. I guess I got used to being alone when I was a kid, and thought that was my ideal situation. But I am a social seeker. I crave being around people. I get too lonely, and I don't remember when that started. How draining I must be to my close friends, always wanting attention and fun outings.
Good stuff to end the blog before I try to go to campus. I got an excellent director for my acting class. Margo and I hit it off immediately before, and working with her is a gem. Gabriel, my partner, is a work in progress, but he seems nice and I think we'll be fine. Also, I saw Grace and we had a good talk in MOM. I know why we had such a bad time of it last quarter. She puts me on a pedestal, something I'm not used to and uncomfortable with. Words like "best friend" and "soul mate" made me nervous. But since I abandoned her before, she realized that I'm not the paragon she imagined, and we've been having better talks. I don't have to worry about disappointing her or being the sole shoulder to cry on. That was too much responsibility. Now, she has to listen to me whine and cry about my problems. Tough luck, Graceness! =)
Okay, I'm taking too much time to do this stupid entry. Later gator.
9:59 AM
|
|
| |
|
|
|
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home